A Possible Change of Mind

Let me start by saying that my goal in life is to be a published Fiction Novelist. It has been my goal since I was about fourteen years old. At that time I had an English teacher who wanted all the students to write their first poem. It could have been about anything. I wrote a mystery. Upon my mother’s reading of the poem she automatically assumed that I had someone else to write it for me. She told me she thought so because it was such a well written poem. Then on I forever wanted to be a fiction novelist.

I will admit that at a time particularly at the age of twelve and thirteen I was in a band. Of course it was one of those bands that we never actually recorded a song. Nor had we even written a song though we did have a name “No Limits”. It was very ridiculous. The reason I mention all of this is because I just recently discovered that you can make your own songs online. I for one thought it was an interesting and amusing idea. Thus I began creating one. I am of course still tweaking it. Maybe (great emphases on the word Maybe) I will share it on my blog when it is finished. Then again I am unsure if I would want to share my voice on my blog although nobody seems to read this blog. Therefore I guess it should not be an issue.

I have some good news! I had my body measured last week and then again this week. I lost six pounds! Which brings me to another topic: Let’s say that when you workout you run. You run every time. It is the only way you workout. Would exercising by running only strengthen your legs and not any other muscles?

Moving on… I work in an environment that interacts with children. Let me say that I do not hate children; I am just not a huge fan. However I am polite. I presume that I was exceptionally nice one evening to a child. Upon doing so the child’s mother asked me if I had any children of my own. I think I succeeded in camouflaging the look of horror that I give naturally when someone asks me that question. I calmly replied with a “NO.” Her response was “Oh you seem like you love children.” Oh how I tried to cover the feeling of dread that I knew was shining through my smile. I really hope she bought my smile.

I know some of you are wondering why I am not a fan of children. Well I am going to be honest. Children require vast amounts of dedication and time. Moreover they basically resent you in the end, and disregard the dedication and time you applied to them. It is not something you can test drive and return. You have to dedicate at the least eighteen years of attending to their every want and need. There are many that fall into a deep depression upon having children. Plus the constant crying, screaming, and temper tantrums is not appealing at all. Just thinking of it has my right eye already twitching. Not to mention children can have a size 4 carefree supermodel develop into a size 26 overworked housewife. I am aware that for most people children make them happy. I am glad for those people. If it were not for you I fear that the human race would have become extinct. However, when it comes to children I say I would rather not.

Aside from that subject… This week I found myself having an old feeling. This feeling is similar to running into an old boyfriend. At first you feel dreadful for ever knowing it. Following you cannot seem to stop thinking about it. Until it consumes you with the thought that maybe you cannot be happy. You feel that something seems to be lacking. Then you remember why it did not work the last time. Though you try to forbid it from your thoughts you find yourself changing your habits. As though you are trying to convince yourself that you are different now.

The feeling is always Greatly Determined. It reminds me not to take detours and to always focus on my goal. It is similar to an impending pain in the back of my skull. I can take medicine to make it disappear for a time, but sooner or later it always comes back to remind me. Telling me that with each day I am not productive time escapes me. If I want this goal I need to stop wasting time and write as much as possible. I normally shut it up with music.

Also my friend Antoinette*, whom I have mentioned several times throughout my blog, has a blog of her own: http://notreallyantoinette.blogspot.com/ if anyone is interested. Moreover feel free to read my other posts and add a comment. I will do my best to acknowledge each one and comment back. It does not matter if it is an old post or new post.

G-Dragon and More...

This week I discovered new music. I happened upon Heartbreaker by G-Dragon; at once I found that I could not stop listening to it. I liked it so much that I decided to look up more songs by him. This Resulted in me listening to his entire solo album; finding that I liked them all. Breathe is by far my favorite. It’s so incredible that every time I listen to it I must move to the beat. Besides it doesn’t hurt that he is very attractive with his blond hair. He is still very attractive with his new hair cut, but I am quite fond of the blonde hair. Not to mention I like his fascinating style.

Photo From: http://lothaki.wordpress.com/category/k-music/g-dragon/

Photo From: http://www.whatphone.net/images-upload/viewer.php?id=549238Breath-1.jpg

Moving on… While searching for more of his music I found an eye catching headline: “G-Dragon might go to Jail”. Of course I was curious. At a recent concert of his he had sexual content. Apparently it is against the law to expose that sort of material to minors. There were many fans between the ages of 12 and 14 that attended the concert. I have been reading about this situation and decided that I had a couple of questions (by the way this happened in South Korea). I read an article that stated that sexual content on stage was strictly prohibited. Next I read another article that stated they could have an age restriction on the concert (having it that only ages 19 and up could attend). In South Korea is sexual content at concerts prohibited or allowed with an age restriction. Furthermore, Does America have a similar law? Or does Freedom of speech override any such law or laws?

Moreover I noticed that several Korean songs have English words laced throughout. Why is that? I like that, but my curiosity keeps persisting the question why. Is it their second language? If it is that still does not explain why. Spanish is America’s second and yes it is used in some songs but not quite as frequent. Aside from that I know that the majority of Europe seems to be not quite fond of Americans. Does the majority of South Korea feel the same way? I know that quite a few countries are not fond of Americans. Is South Korea included in that?

Embarrassment...

My initial plan was for me to post one blog every Saturday. Unfortunately I was unable to do so this Saturday, but I still hope to post a blog once a week. Also I forgot to mention in my last post all names and ages have been changed.

I recently finished two books this week. This is a great accomplishment for me because I own an estimate of 50 to 60 books. I would say that I have completely read about ten percent of those books. Why? It is this dreadful habit of mine I will start reading a book for the reason that the beginning intrigues me. As the tale continues I find myself either bored with a significant event taking place or frustrated with the secrets that have been unveiled.

Yes I understand that books are not written solely for one reader’s interest. Nevertheless, I eventually return to the book. Currently the genres I read are: Mystery, Horror, Science Fiction/Fantasy, and Paranormal/Fantasy Romance. When I read the Paranormal/Fantasy Romance I constantly seem to stop reading when the Hero and the Heroine start to call each other baby names and such. When I read such things I begin to feel embarrassment for the characters. Unless there is humor entwined with the embarrassment I particularly do not care for reading it.

Moving on… My friend Antoinette* and I have a torturous relationship. For instance today we decided to spend her gift card she received from me for the Holidays. It eventually became “I will try on this if you try on that” day. She tried on this purple shirt that was overcome with ruffles. The only down fall that I saw was she looked pregnant in the shirt. My shirt was a white button down that had a plunging neckline. The neckline had what appeared to be triangular shaped fabric to suffocate it. Also a thin plastic blue belt was attached to the shirt. It does not sound that it would be too appalling I suppose. Unfortunately, the results were catastrophic! I was not that long which resulted in my midsection showing. Also my upper body never looks well in a button down shirt. The top three buttons refused to hold together for long. I did have enough time to show Antoinette how the shirt looked while the buttons would stay together.

After each button you could see flesh (only the top three buttons). I looked like someone who needed that shirt to complete her naughty school girl ensemble. Antoinette laughed so hysterically I thought she might die from it. Upon seeing her reaction I immediately closed the dressing room door. Fun Fun Fun…

Random Ramblings

First let me say that this is not a blog about food. The reason I entitled my blog Ambrosia is because Ambrosia is a very complex dish. It contains many different ingredients and I would like for my blog to be just as complex. Also I am aware that my username sounds as though it would be a French courtesan’s name, but I find it intriguing. So I decided to keep the name.

Moving on... I think that I might overanalyze everything. I don’t consider myself shy but when I am in a social environment I feel awkward. I try my best to hide that, but I am not well at doing so. Therefore it seems as though I am shy. Aside from that let me get back to the subject at hand.

For Example: At work on Monday I was about to exit through the front door when I saw a man in about his 40s approaching the same door. I immediately stop before I open the door. Why? I am not quite sure. In response he opened the door for me and waited as I walked through the entryway. I of course said thank you as I exited. As I was walking to my car I began thinking who was I for the man to open the door for me? I know that the man was probably just being nice. However I had acted as though I was his wife or girlfriend and it was expected for him to open the door for me. Also I noticed that the man did not smile when I said thank you. Therefore, I know that it must have looked as though I thought too highly of myself to do something as simple as open the door. I know that it was something so small to analyze, but I found myself doing so.

Onto another subject why does it seem that it is everyone’s obligation in life to find a significant other? It seems that every time I meet someone new the question always is brought up in everyday conversation. “Are you married?” I know that people are just trying to find an insight to my personality. However, I cannot help but to wonder why is it relevant to my personality? Whenever my answer is no the question “Why” always tends to follow. Though please do not misinterpret what I am saying. I am not aggravated with the person that asks. I know simple curiosity sometimes can be overcoming. I am merely speculating why has the topic become important in our social society?

Thinking this through I have decided that maybe it would be best for me not to get married or even try to be in a serious relationship. I do not think that I would want to devote all of my time to someone else. Would you become tired of someone you had to spend every second of every day with? Plus I have had relationships before and it always ends the same way. My friend Antoinette* once told me that one day I would get married if one of the conditions of the marriage would be that we live in separate houses.

Leading back to my previous point I think who your significant other is does not reflect your personality. For Example: There are those who are with someone that is their exact opposite. What does that say about that person? Only that they find their opposite appealing. Therefore I cannot understand why it is important.