A Possible Change of Mind

Let me start by saying that my goal in life is to be a published Fiction Novelist. It has been my goal since I was about fourteen years old. At that time I had an English teacher who wanted all the students to write their first poem. It could have been about anything. I wrote a mystery. Upon my mother’s reading of the poem she automatically assumed that I had someone else to write it for me. She told me she thought so because it was such a well written poem. Then on I forever wanted to be a fiction novelist.

I will admit that at a time particularly at the age of twelve and thirteen I was in a band. Of course it was one of those bands that we never actually recorded a song. Nor had we even written a song though we did have a name “No Limits”. It was very ridiculous. The reason I mention all of this is because I just recently discovered that you can make your own songs online. I for one thought it was an interesting and amusing idea. Thus I began creating one. I am of course still tweaking it. Maybe (great emphases on the word Maybe) I will share it on my blog when it is finished. Then again I am unsure if I would want to share my voice on my blog although nobody seems to read this blog. Therefore I guess it should not be an issue.

I have some good news! I had my body measured last week and then again this week. I lost six pounds! Which brings me to another topic: Let’s say that when you workout you run. You run every time. It is the only way you workout. Would exercising by running only strengthen your legs and not any other muscles?

Moving on… I work in an environment that interacts with children. Let me say that I do not hate children; I am just not a huge fan. However I am polite. I presume that I was exceptionally nice one evening to a child. Upon doing so the child’s mother asked me if I had any children of my own. I think I succeeded in camouflaging the look of horror that I give naturally when someone asks me that question. I calmly replied with a “NO.” Her response was “Oh you seem like you love children.” Oh how I tried to cover the feeling of dread that I knew was shining through my smile. I really hope she bought my smile.

I know some of you are wondering why I am not a fan of children. Well I am going to be honest. Children require vast amounts of dedication and time. Moreover they basically resent you in the end, and disregard the dedication and time you applied to them. It is not something you can test drive and return. You have to dedicate at the least eighteen years of attending to their every want and need. There are many that fall into a deep depression upon having children. Plus the constant crying, screaming, and temper tantrums is not appealing at all. Just thinking of it has my right eye already twitching. Not to mention children can have a size 4 carefree supermodel develop into a size 26 overworked housewife. I am aware that for most people children make them happy. I am glad for those people. If it were not for you I fear that the human race would have become extinct. However, when it comes to children I say I would rather not.

Aside from that subject… This week I found myself having an old feeling. This feeling is similar to running into an old boyfriend. At first you feel dreadful for ever knowing it. Following you cannot seem to stop thinking about it. Until it consumes you with the thought that maybe you cannot be happy. You feel that something seems to be lacking. Then you remember why it did not work the last time. Though you try to forbid it from your thoughts you find yourself changing your habits. As though you are trying to convince yourself that you are different now.

The feeling is always Greatly Determined. It reminds me not to take detours and to always focus on my goal. It is similar to an impending pain in the back of my skull. I can take medicine to make it disappear for a time, but sooner or later it always comes back to remind me. Telling me that with each day I am not productive time escapes me. If I want this goal I need to stop wasting time and write as much as possible. I normally shut it up with music.

Also my friend Antoinette*, whom I have mentioned several times throughout my blog, has a blog of her own: http://notreallyantoinette.blogspot.com/ if anyone is interested. Moreover feel free to read my other posts and add a comment. I will do my best to acknowledge each one and comment back. It does not matter if it is an old post or new post.